Sadie!
Today is Halloween. It is a silly excuse for a holiday that happens once a year when boys and girls dress up in costumes and eat a lot of candy. Your mom loves it! She is already talking about how great it is going to be when we can take you "trick or treat"-ing next year.
This year, though, we are celebrating more than Halloween. Your doctors are impressed with how well you are learning to eat and say you could come home within a few days. Your mom and I are so excited!
Today when we came to see you in the new nursery, you were asleep on your belly with your behind sticking up in the air. This is particularly hilarious because you used to sleep like that when you were inside your mom. She would often grab my hand and show me a hard spot near her ribs which she was convinced was your little rump. "Sadie is gonna stick her bum up in the air when she comes out," she used to say. Turns out she was right!
Your Grandpa E. came to see you today, too. He hadn't seen you in awhile because he has been a little sick. But today he spent lots of time playing with you.
I am sorry that when we come to visit, we keep waking you up when you are trying to sleep. We won't do that when you are at home. It is just that we are so excited to see you better. We can't bear not to touch you now that we are finally allowed.
After we visited you and I finished work at my job for the day, your mom and I went to watch your Uncle Joel play drums with one of his bands at an Amphitheater. It was a fun time, but your mom and I both felt a little old among all of the young teenage emo kids in gory costumes. (Don't worry about what an "emo kid" is. By the time you are old enough to care, they will be extinct!)
Keep snacking and in a few days we'll all be back together for good!
Can't wait until then!
Happy Halloween.
- Dad
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Day 9 : Time Flies
S.R. -
Your mom and Grandma E. and I all came to see you today. You have been recovering so well that now you are staying in a different nursery for healthier kids, so that your old bed can be used for someone who has gotten as sick as you used to be.
Mom and I showed up just in time to get to feed you a bottle. The nurse sat you up, I cradled your head, and your mom tilted the bottle back for you. You ate quite a bit, but still seem a little confused by how the whole eating process works. Don't worry; that is to be expected. Because of all the tubes and monitors that have been in and around your mouth for the last week, it is only to be expected that you wouldn't want to put anything else in there for awhile. There are plenty of great nurses who will spend the next several days helping you to get past this.
Not only did I get to help feed you this afternoon, I also got to really hold you. Yesterday, I cuddled you while you were asleep and let you rest on a pillow. But today marked the first time you've been fully awake in front of me. I put your head in my right hand and held your body out before me with my left. I spent alot of time just enjoying you, eye to eye.
I thought I'd been at your bedside for 40 minutes or so when I looked at the clock and realized I'd been there almost twice that long! People that have been parents for a long time say that is pretty much what the whole experience of having kids is like. One minute the child is an infant, sick in the hospital; next, they are healthy and walking down the aisle.
But don't you plan on doing that any time in the next 30 or 40 years, all right?
I love you so!
- Dad
Your mom and Grandma E. and I all came to see you today. You have been recovering so well that now you are staying in a different nursery for healthier kids, so that your old bed can be used for someone who has gotten as sick as you used to be.
Mom and I showed up just in time to get to feed you a bottle. The nurse sat you up, I cradled your head, and your mom tilted the bottle back for you. You ate quite a bit, but still seem a little confused by how the whole eating process works. Don't worry; that is to be expected. Because of all the tubes and monitors that have been in and around your mouth for the last week, it is only to be expected that you wouldn't want to put anything else in there for awhile. There are plenty of great nurses who will spend the next several days helping you to get past this.
Not only did I get to help feed you this afternoon, I also got to really hold you. Yesterday, I cuddled you while you were asleep and let you rest on a pillow. But today marked the first time you've been fully awake in front of me. I put your head in my right hand and held your body out before me with my left. I spent alot of time just enjoying you, eye to eye.
I thought I'd been at your bedside for 40 minutes or so when I looked at the clock and realized I'd been there almost twice that long! People that have been parents for a long time say that is pretty much what the whole experience of having kids is like. One minute the child is an infant, sick in the hospital; next, they are healthy and walking down the aisle.
But don't you plan on doing that any time in the next 30 or 40 years, all right?
I love you so!
- Dad
Monday, October 29, 2007
Day 8 : Human Touch
Sadie -
Even though the place I work is good to me and I have friends there, going back today amidst all that is happening with you was really hard. During my lunch break, I met your mom and Aunt Amy at your hospital bed. We got to watch the nurses take you off of more of your medicines and monitors. Mom even stuck around for awhile so she could hold you for the first time since last week.
I went back to work for awhile, but before I drove home, I stopped back by to see you at the hospital so I could hold you in my arms for the first time as well. While I was waiting for the nurses to hand you over, I met the dad of the girl who is recovering next to you. He was there holding his daughter for the first time, too. His little girl was born a week before you and the valves on her heart were in the wrong places. She has already had open heart surgery in her short two-week life.
Hearing that story made me thankful and hopeful at the same time. Thankful because you didn't have to go through open heart surgery, and hopeful because if the staff at the hospital has gotten a little girl with a major heart problem close to recovery, I know the rest of your stay should be a breeze.
The next step before you come home involves learning to eat. Let me go ahead and tell you that even though learning to eat might be tough now, one day you will love it. That day may very well be the day several years from now when I let you try a sip of my Mountain Dew and a bite of a Snickers when your mom's not around!
Sadie, everyday without you at home with us is hard, but I know it will make everyday after you get here that much sweeter.
Sleep soundly tonight.
- Dad
Happy One Week Birthday!
Even though the place I work is good to me and I have friends there, going back today amidst all that is happening with you was really hard. During my lunch break, I met your mom and Aunt Amy at your hospital bed. We got to watch the nurses take you off of more of your medicines and monitors. Mom even stuck around for awhile so she could hold you for the first time since last week.
I went back to work for awhile, but before I drove home, I stopped back by to see you at the hospital so I could hold you in my arms for the first time as well. While I was waiting for the nurses to hand you over, I met the dad of the girl who is recovering next to you. He was there holding his daughter for the first time, too. His little girl was born a week before you and the valves on her heart were in the wrong places. She has already had open heart surgery in her short two-week life.
Hearing that story made me thankful and hopeful at the same time. Thankful because you didn't have to go through open heart surgery, and hopeful because if the staff at the hospital has gotten a little girl with a major heart problem close to recovery, I know the rest of your stay should be a breeze.
The next step before you come home involves learning to eat. Let me go ahead and tell you that even though learning to eat might be tough now, one day you will love it. That day may very well be the day several years from now when I let you try a sip of my Mountain Dew and a bite of a Snickers when your mom's not around!
Sadie, everyday without you at home with us is hard, but I know it will make everyday after you get here that much sweeter.
Sleep soundly tonight.
- Dad
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Day 7 : Children of Me(n)
Hey Sadie -
I saw a movie this weekend called "Children of Men." It is about a future world where people are no longer able to have babies. The lead character, Theo, is commissioned to take a young girl who has miraculously had the first child to be born in over twenty years, through war-torn Britain and on towards safety.
There is a scene near the end of the film where Theo, the girl and the baby are trying to get through a bombed-out building during a violent battle. While they are rushing through the crumbling building, there is suddenly a moment of quiet after non-stop bursts of machine gun fire. And as all of the noise stops, the baby lets out a loud cry. Upon hearing the innocent cry of a baby in distress, soldiers, fighters and refugees all stop what they are doing and turn all of their attention towards the young child, doing whatever each person can to assure that the baby gets out of the war zone safely.
I have been struck by that moving image this weekend because I feel like, that in a way, it is a version of that moment that we have been living through for the last week. Despite all of the other things that our friends, family, and acquaintances have going on in their lives right now, once your cry was heard in the world, they have stopped to pray, visit, call, make food, and run errands to help ensure that you will be safe and well-cared for.
Your Great Grandma Gee made a wonderful roast last night so your mom and I could eat. Our new friends Todd and Lisa brought a crock pot full of soup for us today. Your Uncle Joel has been doing his part to make sure our car is maintained so we can get back and forth to see you. And there are folks all over the United States that are thinking of you and praying for you - and it truly shows.
You are doing so well, the nurses plan on taking you off the ventilator tonight. You have already been weaned off the sedatives and you are no longer on blood pressure medicine. The nurse practitioner who has been working with you all week couldn't contain her own excitement at how well you are doing. Now it is up to you. You must learn to breathe completely on your own and eat, and then you get to come home with us!
Your mom and I are so excited and so thankful for all of the people who are standing in the war zone, casting their own concerns aside and focusing on your return to safety.
Hang in there, girl. We are almost on the homestretch!
Love forever.
- Dad
I saw a movie this weekend called "Children of Men." It is about a future world where people are no longer able to have babies. The lead character, Theo, is commissioned to take a young girl who has miraculously had the first child to be born in over twenty years, through war-torn Britain and on towards safety.
There is a scene near the end of the film where Theo, the girl and the baby are trying to get through a bombed-out building during a violent battle. While they are rushing through the crumbling building, there is suddenly a moment of quiet after non-stop bursts of machine gun fire. And as all of the noise stops, the baby lets out a loud cry. Upon hearing the innocent cry of a baby in distress, soldiers, fighters and refugees all stop what they are doing and turn all of their attention towards the young child, doing whatever each person can to assure that the baby gets out of the war zone safely.
I have been struck by that moving image this weekend because I feel like, that in a way, it is a version of that moment that we have been living through for the last week. Despite all of the other things that our friends, family, and acquaintances have going on in their lives right now, once your cry was heard in the world, they have stopped to pray, visit, call, make food, and run errands to help ensure that you will be safe and well-cared for.
Your Great Grandma Gee made a wonderful roast last night so your mom and I could eat. Our new friends Todd and Lisa brought a crock pot full of soup for us today. Your Uncle Joel has been doing his part to make sure our car is maintained so we can get back and forth to see you. And there are folks all over the United States that are thinking of you and praying for you - and it truly shows.
You are doing so well, the nurses plan on taking you off the ventilator tonight. You have already been weaned off the sedatives and you are no longer on blood pressure medicine. The nurse practitioner who has been working with you all week couldn't contain her own excitement at how well you are doing. Now it is up to you. You must learn to breathe completely on your own and eat, and then you get to come home with us!
Your mom and I are so excited and so thankful for all of the people who are standing in the war zone, casting their own concerns aside and focusing on your return to safety.
Hang in there, girl. We are almost on the homestretch!
Love forever.
- Dad
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Day 6 : The Three Bears
S.R. -
Today was another good day!
The nurses have been able to lower your ventilator and your oxygen. They cut your second sedative dosage in half, and you are slowly starting to move your feet and arch your body. Your mom and I also convinced the nurse to let us take your Star Trek mask off for awhile so we could see your eyes. You never opened them, but it was still good to be able to see your face without obstruction. The nurses warned that it is still very likely that you might take a step backwards before you get completely better, but there may be a chance we could get to hold you on Monday. You can't imagine how excited this makes us!
Your "Uncle" Ben and "Aunt" Danielle came to the hospital to see you today, too. "Uncle" Ben is one of my oldest friends; we've known each other since elementary school. You should know that he has never been an emotional or touchy guy, but when he saw you today, he was overcome by how beautiful you are. He'll probably get mad that I am telling you this, but he cried a little! Later, when we were eating at a downtown deli, he called seeing you "one of the biggest highlights" of his year. Your mom and I have never seen this side of him before. It is really encouraging. You are so amazing that even the less-than-sensitive are overcome by your awesomeness!!
When I got some "alone time" with you this afternoon, I tried telling you the story "The Three Bears." The problem, though, was that half-way through, I realized I don't quite remember the story of the three bears. You'll find out soon that whenever I don't know the details of a story, I take a cue from your cousin Jasmine and just incorporate references to a shopping mall. It seemed to work. I don't think you noticed!
So many people are thinking about and praying for you! Keep working hard (but not TOO hard) to get better. Before you know it, you'll be in my arms!
- Dad
Today was another good day!
The nurses have been able to lower your ventilator and your oxygen. They cut your second sedative dosage in half, and you are slowly starting to move your feet and arch your body. Your mom and I also convinced the nurse to let us take your Star Trek mask off for awhile so we could see your eyes. You never opened them, but it was still good to be able to see your face without obstruction. The nurses warned that it is still very likely that you might take a step backwards before you get completely better, but there may be a chance we could get to hold you on Monday. You can't imagine how excited this makes us!
Your "Uncle" Ben and "Aunt" Danielle came to the hospital to see you today, too. "Uncle" Ben is one of my oldest friends; we've known each other since elementary school. You should know that he has never been an emotional or touchy guy, but when he saw you today, he was overcome by how beautiful you are. He'll probably get mad that I am telling you this, but he cried a little! Later, when we were eating at a downtown deli, he called seeing you "one of the biggest highlights" of his year. Your mom and I have never seen this side of him before. It is really encouraging. You are so amazing that even the less-than-sensitive are overcome by your awesomeness!!
When I got some "alone time" with you this afternoon, I tried telling you the story "The Three Bears." The problem, though, was that half-way through, I realized I don't quite remember the story of the three bears. You'll find out soon that whenever I don't know the details of a story, I take a cue from your cousin Jasmine and just incorporate references to a shopping mall. It seemed to work. I don't think you noticed!
So many people are thinking about and praying for you! Keep working hard (but not TOO hard) to get better. Before you know it, you'll be in my arms!
- Dad
Friday, October 26, 2007
Day 5 : Comfort Food
Sadie -
I knew today would be a good day when I stepped outside and saw the sun for the first time since you entered the walking world on Monday.
You are still at the special kids hospital, but you made a good turn today. You finally stopped fighting the machines you are on, and your breathing has regulated. The nurses are starting to slowly turn down the ventilator.
Both today and yesterday after we visited you, I went down to the McDonalds in the lobby of the hospital and ate a Big Mac. I know that the food at McDonalds is disgusting and not good for me, but there is something about that greasy grub that is soothing when I am forced to be apart from you. We call it "comfort food." I am sure that when you are older, everytime you convince me to take you to McDonalds to run in the Playland and eat chicken nuggets, I'll think of these first few days of your life.
The other great thing that happened today is that your mom got to leave the hospital she has been in. The nurses there took great care of her, but it is nice to have her home. She has been napping and continuing to recuperate in between the times she makes food for you. She has already built up quite a supply of yumminess for you when you are finally able to eat.
Keep behaving and allowing your body to be adjusted. Soon enough this will all be over. One day we'll tell this story about your days in the hospital and we'll think about how long ago it all seems and how strong you have gotten since. Right now, though, let's take it one day at a time: hour by hour, minute by minute, breath by breath!
I love you more than ever.
- Dad
I knew today would be a good day when I stepped outside and saw the sun for the first time since you entered the walking world on Monday.
You are still at the special kids hospital, but you made a good turn today. You finally stopped fighting the machines you are on, and your breathing has regulated. The nurses are starting to slowly turn down the ventilator.
Both today and yesterday after we visited you, I went down to the McDonalds in the lobby of the hospital and ate a Big Mac. I know that the food at McDonalds is disgusting and not good for me, but there is something about that greasy grub that is soothing when I am forced to be apart from you. We call it "comfort food." I am sure that when you are older, everytime you convince me to take you to McDonalds to run in the Playland and eat chicken nuggets, I'll think of these first few days of your life.
The other great thing that happened today is that your mom got to leave the hospital she has been in. The nurses there took great care of her, but it is nice to have her home. She has been napping and continuing to recuperate in between the times she makes food for you. She has already built up quite a supply of yumminess for you when you are finally able to eat.
Keep behaving and allowing your body to be adjusted. Soon enough this will all be over. One day we'll tell this story about your days in the hospital and we'll think about how long ago it all seems and how strong you have gotten since. Right now, though, let's take it one day at a time: hour by hour, minute by minute, breath by breath!
I love you more than ever.
- Dad
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Day 4 : Dimples
Hey Baby Girl -
Your mom and I came to see you today and still couldn't touch you. You are still wrapped in wires and tubes and have the Star Trek mask in place, but you are starting to calm down and let the machine you were put on yesterday do some breathing for you.
The doctors were still worried this morning that something might be wrong with your heart, so they took another picture of it today and studied it. They still can't find anything wrong, which is great news. The nurses and doctors now just need you to keep calm, learn the right way to breathe, and then, start eating.
Since we can't touch you, your mom and I spend a lot of our visits just studying your beautiful body. Your mom pointed out today that you and I have the same lip and chin dimples. It might sound silly to you, but realizing this was one of the most comforting moments of the last few days. In some strange way, that mark makes you mine. "I don't need ID or a hospital bracelet," I am tempted to shout. "Just look at her dimples!"
Keep relaxed, baby. Sometimes to win the fight you first have to surrender. It seems like a paradox, but you'll learn soon enough how true it is. Sometimes when you stop trying, you'll start winning. That is what your mom and I are doing. We are stopping the urge to stay in control, and letting someone much more wise than us have the reigns.
We miss you every moment we aren't in the same room!
- Dad
Your mom and I came to see you today and still couldn't touch you. You are still wrapped in wires and tubes and have the Star Trek mask in place, but you are starting to calm down and let the machine you were put on yesterday do some breathing for you.
The doctors were still worried this morning that something might be wrong with your heart, so they took another picture of it today and studied it. They still can't find anything wrong, which is great news. The nurses and doctors now just need you to keep calm, learn the right way to breathe, and then, start eating.
Since we can't touch you, your mom and I spend a lot of our visits just studying your beautiful body. Your mom pointed out today that you and I have the same lip and chin dimples. It might sound silly to you, but realizing this was one of the most comforting moments of the last few days. In some strange way, that mark makes you mine. "I don't need ID or a hospital bracelet," I am tempted to shout. "Just look at her dimples!"
Keep relaxed, baby. Sometimes to win the fight you first have to surrender. It seems like a paradox, but you'll learn soon enough how true it is. Sometimes when you stop trying, you'll start winning. That is what your mom and I are doing. We are stopping the urge to stay in control, and letting someone much more wise than us have the reigns.
We miss you every moment we aren't in the same room!
- Dad
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