Day 40 : Don't Look Back in Anger

Sadie -

While I was feeding you tonight, you scared me.

I was burping you, and after a big belch, you started to get angry. (This is normal; it is your current way of telling me you want more to eat.) Usually when you get mad, the cries are loud and sharp, but in this particular instance, you must have been out of breath, and you made a really weird pre-cry sound for a long time. Your mom and I looked at each other in terror, worried that you might be choking or in pain. But once you got the cry out and I got the bottle back to you, everything went back to normal.

"You must have made her really mad!" your mom said.

We call this recent development in your expression "finding your voice." It is an exciting development to watch, but, as this story illustrates, it can also be scary. It is most scary for me to think about how you will continue throughout your life, as you grow older, to "find your voice" and make decisions that I might not always agree with or be able to save you from.

There are sure to be multiple times as you grow into adulthood, when you will get so mad at me over something, that you'll want to scream and yell and scare me like you did tonight. Please just know right now that I am not perfect, but I'll always want only the best for you, even if we might not agree on what that is.

I love you more than you'll be able to imagine - now or then.

- Dad